Wednesday, August 31, 2005
i feel relentless anxiety worrying about those i love.
i feel overwhelmed with wanting to do more and not
having the time.
i feel selfish for complaining when my life is so good.
i feel stupid and not capable in my job.
i feel badly for my sarcastic language.
i feel icky because my belly feels pudgy from too
many french fries.
i feel lazy because i haven't accomplished multiple
tasks off my to-do list.
i feel confusion over the timing of things.
i feel sad because i feel everything so deeply.
i feel tired from listening and guilty for feeling that way.
i feel pissed from not saying what i really want to say.
i will go to this place, and imagine that big blue ocean in front me,
and how peaceful and calm i felt..... and how empty my mind was
there from bombarding thoughts...and how helpful it was to have a
break from the chatter...and how connected i feel to god
when i can be still.
this is where i will go.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Like the little old lady who returned
~ your wallet yesterday.
Like the taxi driver who told you that your eyes
~ light up the world, when you smile.
Like the small child who showed you
~ the wonder in simple things.
Like the poor man who offered to
~ share his lunch with you.
Like the rich man who showed you that it
~ really is all possible, if only you believe.
Like the stranger who just happened to come along,
~ when you had lost your way.
Like the friend who touched your heart,
~ when you didn't think you had one to touch.
Angels come in all sizes and shapes,
~ all ages and skin types.
Some with freckles, some with dimples,
~ some with wrinkles, some without.
They come disguised as friends, enemies,
~ teachers, students, lovers and fools.
They don't take life too seriously,
~ They travel light.
They leave no forwarding address,
~ They ask nothing in return.
They wear sneakers with gossamer wings,
~ They get a deal on dry cleaning.
They are hard to find when your eyes are
They are everywhere you look,
~ when you choose to see.
Monday, August 29, 2005
It's Monday. Only one more week and I return to work. Wow did that time go by fast. I did not accomplish as much as I would have liked while off. But I had a very relaxing time. I did do alot of reading. I saw several movies. Spent time with friends and family. And did alot of thinking. As I always do. And I also had a much deserved vacation at the end of June. Which really brought alot to my thought process. I dread going back to work. I usually always feel this way in the beginning of my return back. And then it subsides. This time I think alot of the dread comes from the uncertainty of the job. Hopefully it won't turn out to be as bad as predicited. No sense in worrying about things until they happen.
I have spent alot of time reading this summer. I hope to continue. Right now I have alot of the new books checked out from the library. Hoping to get them all read before I have to take them back. I also purchased some books from amazon.com. They are books about beach living. They have been on my wish list for awhile. I ordered them used. Usually by now I have bought several audio books to take back to work. Not this year. I am going to try to get by with checking audio books out from the library. Until I can get to the outlet mall so I can buy them at bargain prices.
I am trying to save money. I have cut back on somethings here. Once I start back to work I am going to put myself on a budget again. And see if I can save money each paycheck. I want that trip in December to Florida. So we will see how bad I want it by how well I can stick to a budget. I know I can do much better than I have been.
I really want to simplfy my life. Cut out all the junk. Get rid of things I don't need. Including clothes and useless things. Unclutter my life so to speak. I think I am a packrat. Much like my mom except my mom was neat about it. Organized. I am not. I want to do better. How do you learn to purge the things that you don't need? I don't understand why I feel connected to things so much. They are just things. Not people. I attach meaning to things. Somethings are ok. But Not EVERYTHING. There is a difference. I need to find a way to purge the junk. Wish me luck.
Watching the weather channel. Hurricane Katrina hit hard. And I think I want to live in Florida or on the beach? And deal with things like this 5 months out of the year. I guess it's not much different than the snow here or the tornados. Being on the beach the rest of the time would be the reward. I could handle it.
Ok I think I have purged my thoughts for now. I have that word stuck in my brain lately. Too bad I have trouble using it in the real sense.
I am outta here.
Ciao for now
Saturday, August 27, 2005
There is a voice inside of you
that whispers all day long,
"I feel that this is right for me,
I know that this is wrong."
no teacher, preacher, parent, friend
or wise man can decide
what's right for you- just listen to
the voice that speaks inside."
~ Shel Silverstein
Friday, August 26, 2005
I may never see tomorrow; there is no written guarantee, And things that happened yesterday belong to history, I cannot predict the future, I cannot change the past, I have just the present moment, I must treat it as my last, I must use this moment wisely for it soon will pass away, and be lost to me forever as part of yesterday, I must exercise compassion, help the fallen to their feet, Be a friend unto the friendless, make an empty life complete, The unkind things I do today may never be undone, And friendships that I fail to win may nevermore be won, I may not have another chance on bended knee to pray, And thank God with humble heart for giving me this day.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
The rest of the day went fine. I watched a few movies. Tried to relax. Checking every now and then to see if my computer died yet. Here I am so You know it's running fine.
I watched the last episode of " Brat Camp ". It was pretty emotional. I was happy to see that most of the kids involved in the program continue to do well after. I wonder if this will be a series or just a summer program only airing once. It was a good show.
I also watched the movie " Wedding Date ". It was pretty good. I think they tried to make Debra Messing look bad. Some parts she really looked old and unattractive. I like her on "Will and Grace". She is pretty funny on there.
I see another possible hurricane to hit Florida. It looks like on the other side away from my favorite beach. I hope it weakens before it hits. NO part of Florida needs any more hurricanes. The beach cam is down again. It went down last Wednesday also. What is it with Wednesday's.
I see this has turned into a chapter instead of a brief update. I will stop here. Time to relax before bed.
Ciao for now
Monday, August 22, 2005
Apply Persistence to Your Possibilities
Your success is not a matter of idle chance,it's a matter of making the right choices.It's not something you wait for, but rather something you'll achieve with effort. Things won't turn up in this world until you turn them up.
Success is neither magical nor mysterious. The people that truly succeed in the world are the people who look for the circumstances they want,and, if they can't find them, make them. Don't sit on the sidelines, get in the game.
Your access to success has no real limits.
The great opportunity in your life is where you are right now. Every situation, properly perceived, becomes an opportunity for you. You have grand opportunities all around you. Open your eyes, and you will find it.
If you have the desire, you have the power. Taking action is all that is required.
Written by Mentor2006@aol.com
Sunday, August 21, 2005
The next case of the blues or depression came when I was getting ready to go to a barbque at a co-worker and friends house. I was worried about a former co-worker and boyfriend being there. I almost didn't go. The barbque was yesterday. I made up my mind to go and have a good time. Knowing he was going to be invited bothered me alot. And then I just told myself... the hell with it. These are my friends. So I went. And guess what? He never showed up. I worried for nothing. I am glad I did not allow it to keep me away. I had a good time. Good food, good fun, good friends.
A few of us even went out afterwords. We just stopped at a bar to hear a band that was playing. A band that was part of all of our pasts. We didn't even know was still together. That was a blast from the past. It was an OK time. Nice to get out for awhile. I miss going out sometimes. Other times I don't even care. Last night was one of those nights I could take it or leave it. I always have to be concerned if I go out and drink that I have to drive home. So it's hard to just drink one or two. Or just drink soda. I made it home safe and sound.
Today I am just trying to clean house and sort through things. Disposing of things I don't need. I start and I stop. I come back to the computer. Slowly getting things done. I want to purge so much from my life. I want a simple, uncomplicated life. I wish I could just move away sometimes and start over. Buy a beach house in florida. Open a book store and just enjoy life. Those are my dreams. I know Dreams do come true. I am working on mine.
Ok I need to get back on track... my cleaning, ridding my life of the junk. I am outta here.
Ciao for now.
Big Mud Puddles and
Sunny Yellow Dandelions
When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are going to take over my yard.
My kids see flowers for Mom and blowing white fluff you can wish on.
When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly, dirty person who probably wants money and I look away.
My kids see someone smiling at them and they smile back.
When I hear music I love, I know I can't carry a tune and don't have much rhythm so I sit self-consciously and listen.
My kids feel the beat and move to it. They sing out the words. If they don't know them, they make up their own.
When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it messing up my hair and pulling me back when I walk.
My kids close their eyes, spread their arms and fly with it, until they fall to the ground laughing.
When I pray, I say thee and thou and grant me this, give me that.
My kids say, "Hi God! Thanks for my toys and my friends. Please keep the bad dreams away tonight. Sorry, I don't want to go to Heaven yet. I would miss my Mommy and Daddy."
When I see a mud puddle I step around it. I see muddy shoes and dirty carpets.
My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to cross, and worms to play with.
I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from?
Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.
I wish you Big Mud Puddles and Sunny Yellow Dandelions!!!
Friday, August 19, 2005
It is truly a Cat's Life I swear. They have it made don't they? I wish I could get inside their heads and know what they are thinking. I have 4 of these creatures. All with very different personalities. And lately they have been driving me crazy. You see I get up very early when I am working. Usually I am up at 430am to be to work by 6am.Well, they have a schedule. They want to be fed at that time no matter what. I have been off work ( on leave ) for just about 4 weeks now. No matter what I do to try to change their habit of waking me up that early... I can't.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
So all and all not a very exciting day. Tomorrow is Friday. Nothing planned. My niece did call and ask me to go to the movies with her. She wants to see "The Skeleton Key". Of course it is not the type of movie her mom will see. So she called me. I will probably do that in the afternoon. Saturday I am invited to a barbque at a co-worker's house. That should be fun. I will get to see some friends I haven't seen in awhile. And the weather is supposed to be really nice. Temps in the 70's.
I have to get myself out of this rut. I have very little time before I go back to work. I must make the most of that time. Not sure what to do at this point. There are alot of things I want to get done in the next two weeks. But my motivation level is 0. Maybe tomorrow I will feel differently. I hope so. I have beach withdrawal. I know that is what it is. I think of the beach 24/7. I am so out of place here. And now the Beach Cam is down again..... I just wanna go home. Airtran take me away.
Ciao for now ~ Diva'
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
To believe is to know that every day
is a new beginning.
It is to trust that miracles happen,
and dreams really do come true.
To believe is to see angels dancing among the clouds,
To know the wonder of a stardust sky
and the wisdom of the man in the moon.
To believe is to know the value of a nurturing heart,
The innocence of a child’s eyes
and the beauty of an aging hand,
for it is through their teachings we learn to love.
To believe is to find the strength
and courage that lies within us.
When it is time to pick up the pieces and begin again.
To believe is to know we are not alone,
That life is a gift and this is our time to cherish it.
To believe is to know that wonderful surprises
are just waiting to happen,
And all our hopes and dreams are within reach.
If only we believe.
Monday, August 15, 2005
I also bought a few magazines and books. My weakness. I didn't even make it to Barnes and Noble. I purchased my things at Walmart. B and N would have caused alot more damage I am sure. I will stop there later this week. God help me be strong.
I went house hunting with my sister and BI and niece. I love going to open houses. We only looked at 2 this weekend. The one was totally awesome. Only 289,000. My sister is determined to have a new house. I would be perfectly content to have their house. But she can find a million and one things wrong with it. She wants bigger, and newer, and fancier. My niece graduates in 2 years. Why look at a 4-5 bedroom houses. Most of the brand new or newer houses have at least 4 bedrooms. These houses they have been looking at are HUGE. I could move in with them and they would still have plenty of room. We joke about that alot. I have 4 cats. My sis and BI are all allergic. My niece would be in heaven and they would be in HELL. It is so much fun to look. And dream. But I would be perfectly happy with a shack on the beach.
There is no sunshine this morning. Cloudy and cool. I have alot to get accomplished in the next two weeks. Cloudy and cool weather would probably be good for that. I need some ambition. I did some cleaning yesterday and tossed a few things. I need to purge alot more. I wish I could learn to live a very simple life and get rid of all the things I do not need. My house is cluttered. Mostly with books and magazines. And I must confess.... I have too many clothes. I am working on that. If I buy new I have to get rid of the Old.
Well, I am going to get my day started. I have my coffee. No going back to bed. I have to run here comes the sun.... going for a morning walk.
Ciao for now
Friday, August 12, 2005
Music is my second vice. My collection of CDs is huge. I am thinking of buying either an IPOD or a Dell DJ. I haven't made up my mind yet. I will make the purchase before I go back to work. I use my walkman or CD player at work alot. I listen to music and audio books. So a DJ or an IPOD would be great. I started downloading music on Limewire. Saving myself some money. I am debating on whether or not to get the new Faith Hill CD. I listened to it on AOL. I am not sure if I even like it. But it could be the case where it grows on you. I have bought alot of CDs I didn't care for at first and then after playing them more I changed my mind. That has happened with Toby Keith, and a few others. I used to not like Big and Rich. But they are kind of growing on me. I downloaded some of their stuff.
I want to share a photo I like today. But not sure which one to pick. I don't like just putting bare entries without some photo. And I try to pick something that relates. So let me see...... OH here we go..... YUMMY. I will have one of these when I go to Barnes and Noble. Not sure If I will have strawberry. But right now it sounds really good. I have a hard time making a decision when I get there. I want everything. I guess I am like that with alot of things in life. So many things I love. So little time. I am off to get my shopping started.
Ciao for now
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Here is the link to the video.
He is coming to a club near here in Sept. I am there. Front row center. I am already having heart palpatation. Wait until that night. Enough lusting for now.
ooooooooh my God.
Ciao for now
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
I watched "Brat Camp" again tonight. That show moves me each week. The kids seem to be working through a lot of personal problems. I like the structure that they use to work on the kids. I think it is a show every parent should watch. ABC has a link to check out the Kids and their backgrounds.
Before the series actually started ABC had two of the kids on Good Morning America. So this is prerecorded. The kids are finished with the camp as it's being aired. I hope at the end they reveal where the kids are now and how they are doing.
One of the other new summer shows I have been watching is "Hooking Up". It's about Internet dating. About these same 11 women each week and their journey through online dating. Some of it is pretty lame. There are a lot of shallow people on this show. Again I am curious to see how it all ends. Who will be in a relationship and who will still be looking.
I guess my life is pretty dull. Sitting home watching reality TV. Living through others. Hey, it's safe. Boring. But safe. And sometimes very entertaining.
I am going to stop here and retire for the evening to do some reading. My life is so exciting these days. NOT!!!
Ciao for now
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Ciao for now
Monday, August 01, 2005