Tuesday

It has been awhile since I posted here. I have had a lot on my mind and I just haven't been in the mood to spill my guts. Fearing once I start I might never stop. Some things have come up. The major thing is we were informed last Thursday that the department I work in will be cutting it's employees by over half by the end of the year. The company will be keeping two senior operators and six regular operators. I am a regular operator. And if they go by seniority I fall # 6 ( but one person above me has been out on disability for over a year.) I really don't know what my chances are. We have been told they will not be going by seniority. But strictly by performance. I think that keeps me in the top 5. They hope to have the department where it needs to be by the end of the year. So that leaves 3 months. We have asked who the remaining people will be. We were told they hope to not have to decide. We have been given the option to apply outside the department for other jobs in other areas. Which is all fine and well if we can do the jobs. Most are manual labor jobs. There is a hiring freeze on all other jobs in all the other departments. The offer they have given us only covers the Operations department. Which leaves very few jobs to apply for and very few that any of us can actually do. I have been with this company for 10.5 years. So this really sucks for me. I came to the Company after going through retraining. Prior to this job I worked in a Printing Factory for 15 years. Doing the manual labor. I injured my back and could not work for almost 2 years. I went through rehab and retraining and got hired with this company. Now this comes up. I believe change is inevitable. And you have to change to grow. But I guess I never thought I would have to look for another job after this long. Having my retirement with this company, and my seniority ( my pay is not comparable to an entry level job many other places.) My 4 weeks of vacation, sick leave, personal days. And the other benefits. There is just no other way to put it.... IT SUCKS.
I think it will come down to the company choosing who stays and who goes. Because there are some that have said they will ride it out and if they get let go they will just collect unemployment. There will be 7 people leaving. I really hope that I am not one of them. I will watch for jobs that become available in operations and see if there is anything I can do. In the meantime. I am looking into retraining or even just picking up some computer courses here and there. I would love to take a medical billing or coding course. And find some work at home. I know I just can't stand completely still while I wait.

So that has been the main thing on my mind lately. The other things are just the usual --money things. And then trying to get my dad's house sold. And all the estate stuff taken care of. Selling the house could take a lot of stress off me. It is so hard to believe that in November it will have been a year since my dad died. September 22 is the anniversary of my mom's death. She has been gone 7 years. I miss them so much. Sometimes it just doesn't seem real. I want to call them. Or I want to shop for them. Just share something with them. And I realize I can't reach out and touch them anymore. GOD ... I miss that more than anything else. That soft kiss on my mom's cheek or that BIG HUG from my dad. Their laughter and joking with each other is forever in my heart. As well as all the years I had them with me. Memories can never be taken away. I have wonderful memories. And I see so much of each of them in my brothers and sisters. They do live on. And life does go on.... we learn to go with the ebb and flow of life. I still wonder if they would be proud of me. I try to live each day with that thought in mind. Would my decisions in life make them proud. I believe in my heart I do them Proud.

Ciao for now.
Diva'