Sunday, November 20, 2005
I know it has been awhile since I have been here. I have been dealing with alot of things lately. Health wise, personal wise, and just life in general. I haven't felt like laying my feelings out on here or even pretending to find meaning with my everyday life. I am tried of living this way. I have slipped into depression. I am trying hard to climb out of it. It's just not that easy. I have not felt good health wise for over 8 weeks. Going from dr. to dr. trying to figure out what is going on. I am having trouble digesting any food. So I have lost a significant amount of weight. Which leaves me weak with no energy. The drs. seem concerned but so far aren't pushing to have the test done sooner. I am tired of fighting to get anything done. I am just very tired period. Last week I had a colonoscopy. No polyps were found so that was good. But the dr. did find that the lining of my colon is extremely thin. So he took several biopsies. I have another tests on Nov. 28th. An upper GI with a scope to check the upper part of my stomach. And then I go back to the dr. Dec. 1st for the results on everything. I have no pleasure in eating anymore. I have to force myself to eat. If I was not diabetic I would not be eating at all. The pain and bathroom trips are just not worth it. Sometimes I wonder if the drs. aren't that concerned because I was overweight to start. That has quickly changed. Down now 39 lbs. and still losing. I am having to drink protien supplements 3 times daily now. So the weight loss might stop. I pray every night for strength to get through each day. I am going to work every day with the exception of the 2 hospital test days. I have frequent bathroom trips each day but I am dealing with it so I can work. And then when I come home I collapse - exhausted.
I have to ask my friends and family to bear with me through this. Hopefully the cause will be figured out real soon and I can have a normal life again. I am scared of the unknown at this point but I want to know what is wrong. I want to feel good again and have energy and feel like doing something besides sleeping. I want my LIFE BACK.
More when I feel up to it.