40 Years ...

So many emotions today.  It has been a very draining day so far. Today is my class reunion. 40 years. That is a long time ago that I graduated from high school. And even today I seem to be feeling much the same feelings as I did in High School. I never fit in. I never was popular. Never hung out with the popular groups. Never involved in clubs, sports, etc. I was just there. I am surprised that some people would remember me. I still live in the same town. I still see a few Classmates now and again. And of course several are on my FB friends list. A few I wish I could see again are gone to heaven.

 The reunion is a two night event.  Last night and tonight. I saw on FB a photo of a few that showed up last night. Some I did recognize well most I did. I do wonder if more will show up tonight. I am curious but I am not sure I am curious enough to show up. I bet if I did show up they wouldn't even know who I was. And maybe that would be a good thing. I don't know. I wish I had made arrangements to meet one of my friends there. It would be a lot easier to walk in with someone that to walk in alone with the fear no one would even notice me. The meetup is at one of the bars in town. 

Last night's event was at the bar and pizza parlor. I should have gone there. At least I could have pretended I was coming in for a pizza. Tonight's Bar is a old place that was just recently re-opened. I am not much of a bar person anymore. I don't drink and I haven't in years. I used to drink a lot. But I guess I grew out of it. Thank god. Which is a good thing it was not taking me any place good.

I don't really know what is holding me back here. Fear I guess. Fear of the unknown. Fear of no one knowing who I am. Fear I am still a wallflower that no one cares to talk to. And what if all those things are true. I am a grown ass woman and no one that shows up tonight is going to matter enough to change my life. I don't even know if it's worth the curiosity.

In fact I think I will just pass and forget about it. It's not worth anxiety and stress. If any of those people wanted to see me they could find me and talk to me or would still be in my life. I have made up my mind. Skipping the fiasco. Let the party go on without me. 

Life will Go on!!!