Iowa Lady Loves The Ocean

Iowa Lady Loves The Ocean

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Recipes For Self - Love

Recipes For Self-Love

Take full responsibility for your life. Stop blaming others.
See yourself as the cause of what happens to you.

Do things you like to do. Don't stay in a job you don't like.
Participate in life at the highest level you can.

Stop terrorising yourself with your thoughts.
Be gentle and kind and patient with yourself.

Give yourself the simple pleasures of life abundantly.
Wear clothes you feel good in, get a massage etc.

Watch what you say. Avoid self put-downs.
Stop being critical of yourself and others.

Take care of your body. Give it exercise and good food.

Be willing to create a life-style that generates and nourishes self-esteem.
Associate with others with high esteem.

Acknowledge yourself frequently.
Keep a diary of your successes and accomplishments.

Avoid comparing yourself with others.
Remember that it's who we are, not what we do, that's important.

Give yourself permission to do nothing periodically.
Schedule time by yourself.

Frequently take deep breaths.
Discover the benefit and pleasure of breathing fully.

Eat first class frequently. Don't look at the right side of the menu.

Stop trying to change others. Focus your attention
on being the way you want others to be.

Look into a mirror regularly and say "I love you,
I really love you".

Stop feeling guilty and saying "I'm sorry".
See mistakes as valuable lessons and avoid judging yourself.

Consciously generate positive thoughts and feelings of self-love
in place of old thoughts of inadequacy.

Be willing to laugh at yourself and at life.
Stop taking yourself so seriously.

Accept compliments from others without embarrassment.
Don't invalidate their positive thoughts and feelings about you.

Be kind to your mind.
Don't hate yourself for having negative thoughts.
Gently change your thoughts.

Keep your awareness and your thoughts focussed in present time
instead of living in the past or future.

Acknowledge others frequently.
Tell them what you like and appreciate in them.

Invest money in yourself.
Go to seminars, workshops and courses that develop your talents.

Make a list of 10 things you love doing and do them frequently.

Treat yourself as you would treat someone you
really loved. Praise yourself.

Author Unknown

Our Thoughts ... Our Words

If we understood the power of our thoughts,
we would guard them more closely.
If we understood the awesome power of our words,
we would prefer silence to almost anything negative.
In our thoughts and words we create
our own weaknesses and our own strengths.
Our limitations and joys begin in our hearts.
We can always replace negative with positive.
Betty Eadie
'Embraced by the Light'

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Sunday - Update

I know it has been awhile since I have been here. I have been dealing with alot of things lately. Health wise, personal wise, and just life in general. I haven't felt like laying my feelings out on here or even pretending to find meaning with my everyday life. I am tried of living this way. I have slipped into depression. I am trying hard to climb out of it. It's just not that easy. I have not felt good health wise for over 8 weeks. Going from dr. to dr. trying to figure out what is going on. I am having trouble digesting any food. So I have lost a significant amount of weight. Which leaves me weak with no energy. The drs. seem concerned but so far aren't pushing to have the test done sooner. I am tired of fighting to get anything done. I am just very tired period. Last week I had a colonoscopy. No polyps were found so that was good. But the dr. did find that the lining of my colon is extremely thin. So he took several biopsies. I have another tests on Nov. 28th. An upper GI with a scope to check the upper part of my stomach. And then I go back to the dr. Dec. 1st for the results on everything. I have no pleasure in eating anymore. I have to force myself to eat. If I was not diabetic I would not be eating at all. The pain and bathroom trips are just not worth it. Sometimes I wonder if the drs. aren't that concerned because I was overweight to start. That has quickly changed. Down now 39 lbs. and still losing. I am having to drink protien supplements 3 times daily now. So the weight loss might stop. I pray every night for strength to get through each day. I am going to work every day with the exception of the 2 hospital test days. I have frequent bathroom trips each day but I am dealing with it so I can work. And then when I come home I collapse - exhausted.

I have to ask my friends and family to bear with me through this. Hopefully the cause will be figured out real soon and I can have a normal life again. I am scared of the unknown at this point but I want to know what is wrong. I want to feel good again and have energy and feel like doing something besides sleeping. I want my LIFE BACK.

More when I feel up to it.

~ Diva

Monday, October 31, 2005

Yesterday, Tomorrow, Today

The journey's our goal, our path is the point ...

There are two days in every week we should never worry about,
two days that should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares,
its aches and pains, its faults and blunders.
Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.

All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday.
We cannot undo a single act we performed,
nor erase a single word we've said.
Yesterday is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow,
with its impossible adversaries,its burden,
its hopeful promise and unknown performance.
Tomorrow is beyond our control.
Tomorrow's sun will rise either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds
...but it will rise ... and until it does.
We have no stake in tomorrow, for it is as yet unborn.
This leaves only one day: TODAY!
Anyone can fight the battles of just one day.
It is only when we add the burdens of yesterday and tomorrow that we break down.

It is not the experience of today that drives people mad.

It is the remorse of bitterness for something that happened
yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.

Make TODAY the best day it can be,and live one day at a time!

~ Author Unknown ~

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween .........

Thursday, October 27, 2005

I truly feel this way lately.

Ripples ...

Drop a pebble in the water: just a splash, and it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Spreading, spreading from the center, flowing on out to the sea.
And there is no way of telling where the end is going to be.

Drop a pebble in the water: in a minute you forget,
But there's little waves a-flowing, and there's ripples circling yet,
And those little waves a-flowing to a great big wave have grown;
You've disturbed a mighty river just by dropping in a stone.

Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
They keep spreading, spreading, spreading from the center as they go,
And there is no way to stop them, once you've started them to flow.

Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute you forget;
But there's little waves a-flowing, and there's ripples circling yet,
And perhaps in some sad heart a mighty wave of tears you've stirred,
And disturbed a life was happy ere you dropped that unkind word.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: just a flash and it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Bearing hope and joy and comfort on each splashing, dashing wave
Till you wouldn't believe the volume of the one kind word you gave.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: in a minute you forget;
But there's gladness still a-swelling, and there's joy circling yet,
And you've rolled a wave of comfort whose sweet music can be heard
Over miles and miles of water just by dropping one kind word.

~ By James W. Foley (1874-1939) Poet-laureate of North Dakota 1930-1939

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

... What Life is About ...

Life isn't about keeping score.
It's not about how many friends you have or how accepted you are. It isn't about who your family is or how much money they have Or what kind of car you drive. or where you went to school.It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are,or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on, or what kind of music you listen to. It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, or brown, or if your skin is too light or too dark.

Life just isn't those things.....
Life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about who you make happy or unhappy purposely. It's about keeping or betraying trust. It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or as a weapon.
It's about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening. It's about starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip. It's about what judgments you pass and why. And who your judgments are spread to.
It's about who you've ignored with full control and intention. It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge. It's about carrying inner hate and love, letting it grow and spreading it.
But most of all, it's about using your life to touch or poison other people's hearts in such a way thatcould have never occurred alone.

You, and only you,choose the way those hearts are affected

~Author Unknown -
Nike Ad

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

... Halloween is Coming ...

... You are Worthy ...

Do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Do not set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

Do not take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life,for without them, life is meaningless.

Do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past nor for the future. By living your life one day at a time,you live all the days of your life.

Do not give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. It is a fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Do not be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Do not shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find.

The quickest way to receive love is to give love; The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly.

Do not dismiss your dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope; To be without hope is to be without purpose.

Do not run through life so fast that you forget not only where you have been, but also where you are going.

Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step
~ By Nancye Sims

Monday, October 17, 2005

Strength and Courage

It takes strength to be certain,
It takes courage to have doubts.

It takes strength to fit in,
It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to share a friend's pain,
It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to hide your own pain,
It takes courage to show it and deal with it.

It takes strength to stand guard,
It takes courage to let down your guard.

It takes strength to conquer,
It takes courage to surrender.

It takes strength to endure abuses,
It takes courage to stop them.

It takes strength to stand alone,
It takes courage to lean on a friend.

It takes strength to love,
It takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to survive,
It takes courage to live.

~ David L. Griffith, Writer/Poet - The PalletMaster's Workshop

Friday, October 14, 2005

Leaves are Changing ... So are we

Leaves are Changing ...
As the leaves surely change,
With time, so do we.
We grow and we learn,
From the things that we see.

Everything makes a difference,
Whether subtle or grand;
The heart can grow stronger,
And the mind will expand.

It's true, we're affected
By everything that's been said;
Every movie we've watched,
And all the books that we've read.

Though just like the leaves,
No two are akin;
Each one is unique
Like every person within.

And just like the seasons,
We're all changing as well;
For our lives are each different,
As are the stories we tell.

No matter how much we change,
You will always be special to me!

~Author Unknown

Thursday, October 13, 2005

A Friend

"Friendship is precious ...
not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life;
and thanks to a benevolent arrangement of things,
the greater part of life is sunshine."

~Thomas Jefferson

Be A Friend!
Don't worry about knowing people ...just make yourself worth knowing.
When you ask how someone's doing ...wait to listen to the answer.
Anyone can give advice, but a real friend will lend a helping hand.
Pick your friends...but never pick them to pieces!
A good friend is one who keeps up with you But never looks down on you.
Deal with the faults of your friends as gently as if they were your own.
The reason a dog is everyone's friend is that he wags his tailand not his tongue.

~Author Unknown~

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Seeing Clearly ....

Seeing Clearly

Next time you wake up,
instead of dreading the day ahead, rise and shine and
expect something wonderful to happen today!

When you go outside,
notice people going about their lives, and wonder to
yourself what they're thinking, and if they're happy.

Feel the rain or wind on your face,
don't hide from it. Isn't it refreshing?

Smile at everyone you meet.
It is a fact that people tend to respond to the
look you are wearing on your own face!

Wiggle your toes if you are bored.
Be happy that you have toes to wiggle!

Be polite, and say 'please' and 'thank you'.
That girl taking your order at the fast food place
is a human being too, be nice to her.

When you are eating, really slow down and enjoy every bite!
It's good... well, and even if you don't like it,
isn't it great that you have food?

Never underestimate yourself!
You are always growing and learning. Just because you
didn't succeed at something in the past doesn't
mean you can't get it right this time around!

Stop complaining about your life.
Never take for granted all the joys and blessings you have.
Remember those who have less.

Tell everyone who is important to you how you
feel about them! You do not ever want to spend your
days regretting things you never told them.

And last but never least,
remember that life is about love.
Give love when you can, and it will be given to you!

~Author Unknown~

Sunday, October 09, 2005


It has been a very emotional last couple of days. With my friend SR's father JR just barely hanging on. I am trying hard to be supportive but it brings back so many emotions. It's truly tough at times. His father is dying of cancer. And it seems to be a very slow painful death. It's hard to believe he is still hanging on at this point. He has not been eating now for almost two weeks. He is thin and frail and seems to be in and out of consciousness. I am not sure he knows or realizes who is there with him. He mumbles a lot. He is on liquid morphine so I know some of that is the pain medicine. SR and his father had an argument a few days ago. Since then they have not been able to have a conversation that makes much sense. I find this very sad. There can't be any resolution about things now. And I don't think the situation will get any better so there can be. This is so sad. When JR passes I know that SR will be in bad shape. He will have regrets and anger and all the emotions that come with losing a parent. I hope he will reach out for help and not run from his feelings.

Fall has arrived. We have had some really chilly evenings. With the temps. dipping into the low 30's bringing frost warnings. I had to turn on the heat on Friday to take the chill off. I think it is much too early for these cold spells. I love fall. But I don't like it when it gets below freezing. The leaves are all changing. They say this week is the peak time for our leaves. Wow time really does fly by. What happened to the month of September.

I went shopping on Saturday. I was not really into it. I was looking for something to wear to a wedding October 15th. It's casual. But I just wanted something new. It has been awhile since I bought anything. So I was going to treat myself. I didn't find anything I liked. I guess I was not really in the mood to shop. I guess I will just dig through my closet and find something I haven't worn in awhile. No one will notice anyway. The wedding is that of a co-worker. The reception and dance should be fun. I am kind of looking forward to it.

Back to work tomorrow. We have been pretty busy the last few weeks. Tomorrow is the deadline for a project. After that is finished things will slow down again. And that means transfers outside the department. What fun. NOT!!!! I have applied for a few jobs outside of my company. So far I haven't heard anything. Resumes were just sent out the middle of last week. So it's early yet.

I have a lot of unresolved things going on in my life right now. I don't really feel like talking about them right now. Maybe I will purge it all later. I am stopping here. I am going to go and relax in front of the TV. Or maybe do some reading.

Ciao for now ...
~ Diva'

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever...

— Isak Dinesen

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.

— Wayne Dyer

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

I am Me ... I am Okay

My Declaration of Self-Esteem
by Virginia Satir


In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me
Everything that comes out of me is authentically me
Because I alone chose it - I own everything about me
My body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions,
Whether they be to others or to myself - I own my fanatasies,
My dreams, my hopes, my fears - I own all my triumphs and
Successes, all my failures and mistakes Because I own all of
Me, I can become intimately acquainted with me - by so doing
I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts - I know
There are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other
Aspects that I do not know - but as long as I am
Friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously
And hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles
And for ways to find out more about me - However I
Look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever
I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically
Me - If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought
And felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is
Unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that
Which I discarded - I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be
Productive to make sense and order out of the world of
People and things outside of me - I own me, and
therefore I can engineer me - I am me and


Saturday, October 01, 2005

Dreams ...

.... Your Own Inner Light ...

Allow Your Own Inner Light to Guide You:

There comes a time when you must stand alone.

You must feel confident enough within yourself to follow your own dreams.

You must be willing to make sacrifices.

You must be capable of changing and rearranging your priorities so that your final goal can be achieved.

Sometimes, familiarity and comfort need to be challenged.

There are times when you must take a few extra chances and create your own realities.

Be strong enough to at least try to make your life better.

Be confident enough that you won't settle for a compromise just to get by.

Appreciate yourself by allowing yourself the opportunities to grow, develop, and find your true sense of purpose in this life.

Don't stand in someone else's shadow when it's your sunlight that should lead the way.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

.... A Lesson In Life

A Lesson in Life

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, if they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.

If someone hurts you, betrays you , or breaks you heart, forgive them. For they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to who you open your heart to.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.

Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either.

You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

The Angels Among Us ...

My only reason for posting this photo today is that I have so many loved ones on my mind today. Many many people that I loved and lost way to early. I miss them all so much. Not a day goes by that they aren't ALL in my thoughts. My parents, several dear friends ( Mark and Kurt), babies, aunts, uncles, cousins, and many many people I didn't know well that crossed my path and touched my heart. You are never forgotten.

I collect angels. I love figurines and photos. I guess every time I see an angel I think of those special people that will always be so much a part of my life. In big and small ways. I truly believe that everyone that crosses our path leaves us with something. And all the people that walk in and out of our life's were there for a reason. We have angels among us. Walking side by side as we go through our daily life's. Everyone has felt their presence at one time or another. Some would never confess the fact. Others will tell you... "Someone was watching over me, I know that for a fact. Or I wouldn't be here today." We have all heard that from someone. God bless those angels that guide and protect us. Open up your heart and your mind and feel the love and wonder of it all.... There are Angels everywhere.

Monday, September 26, 2005

For My Mom ... I miss you so much

My Special Angel

She's always watching over me,
I feel her presence near,
She's always here to listen,
And guide me through my fears.
She's a very special angel,
One God choose just for me,
She was once my Mom here on earth,
But that wasn't long to be.
God called her home one night,
My fear and rage did see the,
If He were a loving God,
Why take my Mom from me.
But in time I saw the plan,
He unveiled for me to see,
He had taken my Mom away,
But He gave her back to me.
There was only one thing different,
About this wondrous thing,
She just traded her faded house-dress,
For a halo and snow white wings.

Shoney Winstead

Hold on to what is good,even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you must do, even if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if it's easier to let go. Hold on to my hand, even if I've gone away from you....

~ A Pueblo Indian Prayer

Sunday, September 25, 2005


It has been a pretty uneventful weekend. I have stayed home and stuck to my budget. And it's been boring as hell. I hate it. But I cannot afford to go out and run around. I just can't control the impulse to spend. It may start out small but by the time I get home I have spent money I had no business spending. And I have guilt. So I am avoiding going out on my own. I stopped Friday afternoon on my way home from work. I needed groceries. My cupboards aren't bare but I needed bread, juice, coffee, cat food, things you run out of weekly. Well, I decided to go to the "Grocery Store" instead of Super Walmart. That was a big mistake. I spent almost $60 bucks. I know I could have gotten by with spending around $35 at Super Walmart. And then I ended up getting Chinese food for super. I did make two meals out of that for $5. So that wasn't so bad. The Chinese food was what was drawing me to the grocery store. Pft. Not again. I will settle for the frozen Chinese food at SW next time. The prices are just so much higher. Temptations like that are a prime example of how I get into trouble. Some people would laugh that off. But I really do need to watch my money. I am not in a position to be spending freely. Not knowing what my job status will be in 3 months. And now with the probability of gas going up again. And natural gas prices rising for the winter months. Who knows what we will end up paying in heating bills. I live alone. I have to make my bills on my own. So I have to control my spending. I know I could be a lot worse off. There are a lot of people that aren't even getting by right now. The winter will make it worse. I don't want to fall behind. I have the money put away to fall back on in case of a big emergency. But I am not touching that unless I absolutely have too. Once I dip into that, I know it will go fast. So I am not touching it unless it becomes absolutely necessary. Hopefully not at all.

I still have things to take care of for my Dad's estate. The primary thing is the sale of the house. We are still waiting on an answer from the Casey's Corporation to see if they want the land. The waiting truly sucks. I have a lot of mixed feelings about selling to them. True we can get more money for the property if we sell to them. That's all fine and dandy. But then they will demolish the house. I am not sure how I feel about that. And if we don't sell to them then the house will remain standing and someone else will more than likely live in it. So which is better or worse. I just don't know. November 22 will be a year since my dad died. That does not seem long at all. I go to the house everyday. There are cats that come there to be fed. Some days it's really hard to handle and other days it does not bother me at all. I think about what it would be like if I moved into the house. It's a 3 bedroom /1 bath two story house. It is over 100 years old. There is a big yard front and back of the house. It is too big for me. If it was all on one level I might consider it. It has a new furnace and central air. But the heating bills are high. And the bathroom only has a bathtub. There are so many memories in that house. I grew up there. You look at the house now and you wonder how the heck did they raise 5 kids in this house. But they did. I look in my old bedroom and think there were 3 beds in here and more. I don't know how. Sometimes I wonder how we made it. There were some tough times. With dad's accident and all. My dad almost died when I was a freshman in high school. He worked for the city and he was driving a snow plow. After working a lot of overtime one weekend. He was driving the plow and it stalled on the railroad tracks behind our house. He couldn't get out of the plow in time and the train hit it. My dad almost died. He was in a coma for almost a year. And rehab another year learning to do everything all over again. My dad was never the same after that. His personality changed completely. He learned how to do everything all over again. And he went back to work. But our lives were forever changed. I don't know how we made it through that time. But we did. My mom continued to work and we continued to go to school everyday. I was lucky to have my dad for another 35 years.

We made it through some really tough times. All those things shape and mold us into who we are today. I think of both my parents and their work ethic and there determination, the views about debt and so much more. I want to be like my mom. I want to be able to budget and make things work out. I also think about all the people affected by the Hurricane's. Some of them don't even have clothes to wear let alone a roof over their heads. I am so fortunate.

This has turned into a way to serious post. Sometimes I just need to purge all those bad, sad, depressing feelings. I have definitely done that. So on to something brighter... My favorite time of year arrived this week. Fall is in the air. We had a change in our weather mid week. I have turned off the central air and the windows are open. It feels so good. I love cool crisp fall mornings. I love long walks this time of year. Sitting outside in the early evenings just soaking up the air. Watching the leaves change. It always seems to be a time of change for me. I get so retrospective. I go deep within. And find things to work on. So time will tell.

It's time to stop I have ranted on and on here. More than I had planned. I am off to enjoy the fall day.

Ciao for now ....
~ Diva '

Friday, September 23, 2005

Friday ....

May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand. May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism. Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone. May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace. May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them. Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending.

— Unknown

Tuesday, September 20, 2005


It has been awhile since I posted here. I have had a lot on my mind and I just haven't been in the mood to spill my guts. Fearing once I start I might never stop. Some things have come up. The major thing is we were informed last Thursday that the department I work in will be cutting it's employees by over half by the end of the year. The company will be keeping two senior operators and six regular operators. I am a regular operator. And if they go by seniority I fall # 6 ( but one person above me has been out on disability for over a year.) I really don't know what my chances are. We have been told they will not be going by seniority. But strictly by performance. I think that keeps me in the top 5. They hope to have the department where it needs to be by the end of the year. So that leaves 3 months. We have asked who the remaining people will be. We were told they hope to not have to decide. We have been given the option to apply outside the department for other jobs in other areas. Which is all fine and well if we can do the jobs. Most are manual labor jobs. There is a hiring freeze on all other jobs in all the other departments. The offer they have given us only covers the Operations department. Which leaves very few jobs to apply for and very few that any of us can actually do. I have been with this company for 10.5 years. So this really sucks for me. I came to the Company after going through retraining. Prior to this job I worked in a Printing Factory for 15 years. Doing the manual labor. I injured my back and could not work for almost 2 years. I went through rehab and retraining and got hired with this company. Now this comes up. I believe change is inevitable. And you have to change to grow. But I guess I never thought I would have to look for another job after this long. Having my retirement with this company, and my seniority ( my pay is not comparable to an entry level job many other places.) My 4 weeks of vacation, sick leave, personal days. And the other benefits. There is just no other way to put it.... IT SUCKS.
I think it will come down to the company choosing who stays and who goes. Because there are some that have said they will ride it out and if they get let go they will just collect unemployment. There will be 7 people leaving. I really hope that I am not one of them. I will watch for jobs that become available in operations and see if there is anything I can do. In the meantime. I am looking into retraining or even just picking up some computer courses here and there. I would love to take a medical billing or coding course. And find some work at home. I know I just can't stand completely still while I wait.

So that has been the main thing on my mind lately. The other things are just the usual --money things. And then trying to get my dad's house sold. And all the estate stuff taken care of. Selling the house could take a lot of stress off me. It is so hard to believe that in November it will have been a year since my dad died. September 22 is the anniversary of my mom's death. She has been gone 7 years. I miss them so much. Sometimes it just doesn't seem real. I want to call them. Or I want to shop for them. Just share something with them. And I realize I can't reach out and touch them anymore. GOD ... I miss that more than anything else. That soft kiss on my mom's cheek or that BIG HUG from my dad. Their laughter and joking with each other is forever in my heart. As well as all the years I had them with me. Memories can never be taken away. I have wonderful memories. And I see so much of each of them in my brothers and sisters. They do live on. And life does go on.... we learn to go with the ebb and flow of life. I still wonder if they would be proud of me. I try to live each day with that thought in mind. Would my decisions in life make them proud. I believe in my heart I do them Proud.

Ciao for now.


Change has long been a fearful thing for human beings ... and at the same time, it is our most Divine opportunity. Clinging to the banks of the river may seem safe and more secure, but life's possibilities are truly engaged only when we trust, release and become part of The Flow of the Universe.

— Chelle Thompson

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Philosophy of Life

Think freely
Practice patience
Smile often
Savor special moments

Make new friends
Rediscover old ones
Tell those that you love that you do

Feel deeply
Discard worry
Forget trouble
Forgive an enemy

Keep a promise
Take a chance
Try something new
Reach out

Have good ideas
Make some mistakes
Learn from them Be crazy
Count your blessings
Observe miracles -- make them happen
Pick some daisies
Share them

See a sunrise
Listen to the rain
Look for rainbows
Gaze at the stars
See beauty everywhere

Laugh heartily
Spread joy

Give in

Slow down
Let someone in
Be soft sometimes

Work Hard
Be Wise
Try to understand
Cry when you need to

Trust life
Have Faith
Enjoy wonder
Comfort a friend

Believe in your self

Author Unknown`

Friday, September 16, 2005

.... Dreams ....

There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, "Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams." Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there. These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, "How good or how bad am I?" That's where courage comes in.

— Erma Bombeck

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

... The Sea ....

I really don't know why it is that all of us are so committed to the sea, except I think it is because in addition to the fact that the sea changes and the light changes, and ships change, it is because we all came from the sea. And it is an interesting biological fact that all of us have, in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean, and, therefore, we have salt in our blood, in our sweat, in our tears. We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch - we are going back from whence we came.

— John F. Kennedy

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Island of Feelings

Once upon a time, there was an island where all feelings lived...
Happiness, Sadness.. Knowledge.. and all of the others including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink... so all repaired their boats and left. Love was the only one to stay. Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment.. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said... "Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered... "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you." Love... decided to ask Vanity, who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel... "Vanity, please help me!" "I can't help you Love... You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered. Sadness was close by, so Love asked for help, "Sadness let me Go with you." "Oh...Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!" Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy... that she did not even hear when Love called her! Suddenly... there was a voice... "Come Love, I will take you." It was an elder.... Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder her name. When they arrived at dry land... the elder went her own way. Love realizing how much he owed the elder... asked Knowledge... "Who helped me?" "It was Time," Knowledge answered... "Time?" asked Love.. "But why did Time help me?" Knowledge smiled with deep Wisdom and answered... "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

--Author unknown--

love .. togetherness .. romance

"You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel."

- Anonymous

Sunday, September 11, 2005


The sun is going down on our beautiful beach. I can see it on cam. It really makes me want to be there. I miss it so much. Everything about it. The sand between my toes, the ocean waves, the sound, the sight, the smell, the sun... and cool breezes as the sun sets. The feeling of not having a care in the world. I miss the dinners after sunset, the tropical drinks, cruising up and down GULF BLVD. Searching for shells, pool therapy, afternoon naps, and just sharing it all with my best friend. Our plans are to go back in December. I hope that works out. We both need the trip real bad. I pray God will bless us with the time to go back home.

I had a very nice relaxing weekend. I didn't do much. I stayed close to home most of the weekend. Saving money is much easier when you stay away from the Mall and the book store. As badly as I wanted to go out I was good. There wasn't anything I needed from the mall. I did go out early this morning to Walmart to get groceries and cat supplies. And I didn't buy anything I didn't need or have on my list. I did very well. I bought gas over by Walmart. It was almost 20 cents cheaper than in our little town. The prices are creeping down but it is very slow. Thank god for a small car that is good on gas.

Tomorrow it's back to work. The first week back went well. It was only a 4 day work week. We managed to keep busy the whole week. I hope we can do the same this week. I dread a slow down. That will mean being sent to another department within our company that I might not be able to work in. I have an old back injury that flares up a few times a year. I am still not able to lift anything heavy without problems. I work in the data entry departmant. So being moved to the shipping department where I will be on my feet for 7 or more hours lifting 20-50 lbs is a bit scarey. My manager and I have talked about this. He feels his hands are tied and he must send me out there if there is nothing else to do. My response to him is then you have to be willing to be responsible if I have a reocurring injury. None of us were hired to due manual labor. We don't come to work dressed for it. And I just think it is crazy. He is taking a big risk with several people in the department. There have already been several injuries. So each day I go to work I pray there will be data entry work for us to do. And we can all remain in our own department. The company really does need to do some restructering.

I have had trouble with this post since I started. Thank God I saved it periodically so I didn't lose the whole thing when I had to reboot. Grrrrrrrrrr. My computer needs a check up with my friendly computer guy. I will make an appointment tomorrow.

I am going to stop here and heat up some Chinese Food and get comfy with my book. It's a pretty dull night for TV. I am anxious for the new fall season to start. Until then I guess I will do alot of reading. I am outta here.

Ciao for now.