Wednesday, September 28, 2005
A Lesson in Life
Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, if they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.
If someone hurts you, betrays you , or breaks you heart, forgive them. For they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to who you open your heart to.
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.
Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.
Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either.
You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
I collect angels. I love figurines and photos. I guess every time I see an angel I think of those special people that will always be so much a part of my life. In big and small ways. I truly believe that everyone that crosses our path leaves us with something. And all the people that walk in and out of our life's were there for a reason. We have angels among us. Walking side by side as we go through our daily life's. Everyone has felt their presence at one time or another. Some would never confess the fact. Others will tell you... "Someone was watching over me, I know that for a fact. Or I wouldn't be here today." We have all heard that from someone. God bless those angels that guide and protect us. Open up your heart and your mind and feel the love and wonder of it all.... There are Angels everywhere.
Monday, September 26, 2005
She's always watching over me,
I feel her presence near,
She's always here to listen,
And guide me through my fears.
She's a very special angel,
One God choose just for me,
She was once my Mom here on earth,
But that wasn't long to be.
God called her home one night,
My fear and rage did see the,
If He were a loving God,
Why take my Mom from me.
But in time I saw the plan,
He unveiled for me to see,
He had taken my Mom away,
But He gave her back to me.
There was only one thing different,
About this wondrous thing,
She just traded her faded house-dress,
For a halo and snow white wings.
Hold on to what is good,even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you must do, even if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if it's easier to let go. Hold on to my hand, even if I've gone away from you....
~ A Pueblo Indian Prayer
Sunday, September 25, 2005
It has been a pretty uneventful weekend. I have stayed home and stuck to my budget. And it's been boring as hell. I hate it. But I cannot afford to go out and run around. I just can't control the impulse to spend. It may start out small but by the time I get home I have spent money I had no business spending. And I have guilt. So I am avoiding going out on my own. I stopped Friday afternoon on my way home from work. I needed groceries. My cupboards aren't bare but I needed bread, juice, coffee, cat food, things you run out of weekly. Well, I decided to go to the "Grocery Store" instead of Super Walmart. That was a big mistake. I spent almost $60 bucks. I know I could have gotten by with spending around $35 at Super Walmart. And then I ended up getting Chinese food for super. I did make two meals out of that for $5. So that wasn't so bad. The Chinese food was what was drawing me to the grocery store. Pft. Not again. I will settle for the frozen Chinese food at SW next time. The prices are just so much higher. Temptations like that are a prime example of how I get into trouble. Some people would laugh that off. But I really do need to watch my money. I am not in a position to be spending freely. Not knowing what my job status will be in 3 months. And now with the probability of gas going up again. And natural gas prices rising for the winter months. Who knows what we will end up paying in heating bills. I live alone. I have to make my bills on my own. So I have to control my spending. I know I could be a lot worse off. There are a lot of people that aren't even getting by right now. The winter will make it worse. I don't want to fall behind. I have the money put away to fall back on in case of a big emergency. But I am not touching that unless I absolutely have too. Once I dip into that, I know it will go fast. So I am not touching it unless it becomes absolutely necessary. Hopefully not at all.
I still have things to take care of for my Dad's estate. The primary thing is the sale of the house. We are still waiting on an answer from the Casey's Corporation to see if they want the land. The waiting truly sucks. I have a lot of mixed feelings about selling to them. True we can get more money for the property if we sell to them. That's all fine and dandy. But then they will demolish the house. I am not sure how I feel about that. And if we don't sell to them then the house will remain standing and someone else will more than likely live in it. So which is better or worse. I just don't know. November 22 will be a year since my dad died. That does not seem long at all. I go to the house everyday. There are cats that come there to be fed. Some days it's really hard to handle and other days it does not bother me at all. I think about what it would be like if I moved into the house. It's a 3 bedroom /1 bath two story house. It is over 100 years old. There is a big yard front and back of the house. It is too big for me. If it was all on one level I might consider it. It has a new furnace and central air. But the heating bills are high. And the bathroom only has a bathtub. There are so many memories in that house. I grew up there. You look at the house now and you wonder how the heck did they raise 5 kids in this house. But they did. I look in my old bedroom and think there were 3 beds in here and more. I don't know how. Sometimes I wonder how we made it. There were some tough times. With dad's accident and all. My dad almost died when I was a freshman in high school. He worked for the city and he was driving a snow plow. After working a lot of overtime one weekend. He was driving the plow and it stalled on the railroad tracks behind our house. He couldn't get out of the plow in time and the train hit it. My dad almost died. He was in a coma for almost a year. And rehab another year learning to do everything all over again. My dad was never the same after that. His personality changed completely. He learned how to do everything all over again. And he went back to work. But our lives were forever changed. I don't know how we made it through that time. But we did. My mom continued to work and we continued to go to school everyday. I was lucky to have my dad for another 35 years.
We made it through some really tough times. All those things shape and mold us into who we are today. I think of both my parents and their work ethic and there determination, the views about debt and so much more. I want to be like my mom. I want to be able to budget and make things work out. I also think about all the people affected by the Hurricane's. Some of them don't even have clothes to wear let alone a roof over their heads. I am so fortunate.
This has turned into a way to serious post. Sometimes I just need to purge all those bad, sad, depressing feelings. I have definitely done that. So on to something brighter... My favorite time of year arrived this week. Fall is in the air. We had a change in our weather mid week. I have turned off the central air and the windows are open. It feels so good. I love cool crisp fall mornings. I love long walks this time of year. Sitting outside in the early evenings just soaking up the air. Watching the leaves change. It always seems to be a time of change for me. I get so retrospective. I go deep within. And find things to work on. So time will tell.
It's time to stop I have ranted on and on here. More than I had planned. I am off to enjoy the fall day.
Ciao for now ....
~ Diva '
Friday, September 23, 2005
May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand. May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism. Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone. May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace. May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them. Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
It has been awhile since I posted here. I have had a lot on my mind and I just haven't been in the mood to spill my guts. Fearing once I start I might never stop. Some things have come up. The major thing is we were informed last Thursday that the department I work in will be cutting it's employees by over half by the end of the year. The company will be keeping two senior operators and six regular operators. I am a regular operator. And if they go by seniority I fall # 6 ( but one person above me has been out on disability for over a year.) I really don't know what my chances are. We have been told they will not be going by seniority. But strictly by performance. I think that keeps me in the top 5. They hope to have the department where it needs to be by the end of the year. So that leaves 3 months. We have asked who the remaining people will be. We were told they hope to not have to decide. We have been given the option to apply outside the department for other jobs in other areas. Which is all fine and well if we can do the jobs. Most are manual labor jobs. There is a hiring freeze on all other jobs in all the other departments. The offer they have given us only covers the Operations department. Which leaves very few jobs to apply for and very few that any of us can actually do. I have been with this company for 10.5 years. So this really sucks for me. I came to the Company after going through retraining. Prior to this job I worked in a Printing Factory for 15 years. Doing the manual labor. I injured my back and could not work for almost 2 years. I went through rehab and retraining and got hired with this company. Now this comes up. I believe change is inevitable. And you have to change to grow. But I guess I never thought I would have to look for another job after this long. Having my retirement with this company, and my seniority ( my pay is not comparable to an entry level job many other places.) My 4 weeks of vacation, sick leave, personal days. And the other benefits. There is just no other way to put it.... IT SUCKS.
I think it will come down to the company choosing who stays and who goes. Because there are some that have said they will ride it out and if they get let go they will just collect unemployment. There will be 7 people leaving. I really hope that I am not one of them. I will watch for jobs that become available in operations and see if there is anything I can do. In the meantime. I am looking into retraining or even just picking up some computer courses here and there. I would love to take a medical billing or coding course. And find some work at home. I know I just can't stand completely still while I wait.
So that has been the main thing on my mind lately. The other things are just the usual --money things. And then trying to get my dad's house sold. And all the estate stuff taken care of. Selling the house could take a lot of stress off me. It is so hard to believe that in November it will have been a year since my dad died. September 22 is the anniversary of my mom's death. She has been gone 7 years. I miss them so much. Sometimes it just doesn't seem real. I want to call them. Or I want to shop for them. Just share something with them. And I realize I can't reach out and touch them anymore. GOD ... I miss that more than anything else. That soft kiss on my mom's cheek or that BIG HUG from my dad. Their laughter and joking with each other is forever in my heart. As well as all the years I had them with me. Memories can never be taken away. I have wonderful memories. And I see so much of each of them in my brothers and sisters. They do live on. And life does go on.... we learn to go with the ebb and flow of life. I still wonder if they would be proud of me. I try to live each day with that thought in mind. Would my decisions in life make them proud. I believe in my heart I do them Proud.
Ciao for now.
Change has long been a fearful thing for human beings ... and at the same time, it is our most Divine opportunity. Clinging to the banks of the river may seem safe and more secure, but life's possibilities are truly engaged only when we trust, release and become part of The Flow of the Universe.
— Chelle Thompson
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Savor special moments
Make new friends
Rediscover old ones
Tell those that you love that you do
Forgive an enemy
Keep a promise
Take a chance
Try something new
Have good ideas
Make some mistakes
Learn from them Be crazy
Count your blessings
Observe miracles -- make them happen
Pick some daisies
See a sunrise
Listen to the rain
Look for rainbows
Gaze at the stars
See beauty everywhere
Let someone in
Be soft sometimes
Try to understand
Cry when you need to
Comfort a friend
Believe in your self
Friday, September 16, 2005
There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, "Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams." Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there. These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, "How good or how bad am I?" That's where courage comes in.
— Erma Bombeck
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
I really don't know why it is that all of us are so committed to the sea, except I think it is because in addition to the fact that the sea changes and the light changes, and ships change, it is because we all came from the sea. And it is an interesting biological fact that all of us have, in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean, and, therefore, we have salt in our blood, in our sweat, in our tears. We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch - we are going back from whence we came.
— John F. Kennedy
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Once upon a time, there was an island where all feelings lived...
Happiness, Sadness.. Knowledge.. and all of the others including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink... so all repaired their boats and left. Love was the only one to stay. Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment.. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said... "Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered... "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you." Love... decided to ask Vanity, who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel... "Vanity, please help me!" "I can't help you Love... You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered. Sadness was close by, so Love asked for help, "Sadness let me Go with you." "Oh...Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!" Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy... that she did not even hear when Love called her! Suddenly... there was a voice... "Come Love, I will take you." It was an elder.... Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder her name. When they arrived at dry land... the elder went her own way. Love realizing how much he owed the elder... asked Knowledge... "Who helped me?" "It was Time," Knowledge answered... "Time?" asked Love.. "But why did Time help me?" Knowledge smiled with deep Wisdom and answered... "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."
Sunday, September 11, 2005
The sun is going down on our beautiful beach. I can see it on cam. It really makes me want to be there. I miss it so much. Everything about it. The sand between my toes, the ocean waves, the sound, the sight, the smell, the sun... and cool breezes as the sun sets. The feeling of not having a care in the world. I miss the dinners after sunset, the tropical drinks, cruising up and down GULF BLVD. Searching for shells, pool therapy, afternoon naps, and just sharing it all with my best friend. Our plans are to go back in December. I hope that works out. We both need the trip real bad. I pray God will bless us with the time to go back home.
I had a very nice relaxing weekend. I didn't do much. I stayed close to home most of the weekend. Saving money is much easier when you stay away from the Mall and the book store. As badly as I wanted to go out I was good. There wasn't anything I needed from the mall. I did go out early this morning to Walmart to get groceries and cat supplies. And I didn't buy anything I didn't need or have on my list. I did very well. I bought gas over by Walmart. It was almost 20 cents cheaper than in our little town. The prices are creeping down but it is very slow. Thank god for a small car that is good on gas.
Tomorrow it's back to work. The first week back went well. It was only a 4 day work week. We managed to keep busy the whole week. I hope we can do the same this week. I dread a slow down. That will mean being sent to another department within our company that I might not be able to work in. I have an old back injury that flares up a few times a year. I am still not able to lift anything heavy without problems. I work in the data entry departmant. So being moved to the shipping department where I will be on my feet for 7 or more hours lifting 20-50 lbs is a bit scarey. My manager and I have talked about this. He feels his hands are tied and he must send me out there if there is nothing else to do. My response to him is then you have to be willing to be responsible if I have a reocurring injury. None of us were hired to due manual labor. We don't come to work dressed for it. And I just think it is crazy. He is taking a big risk with several people in the department. There have already been several injuries. So each day I go to work I pray there will be data entry work for us to do. And we can all remain in our own department. The company really does need to do some restructering.
I have had trouble with this post since I started. Thank God I saved it periodically so I didn't lose the whole thing when I had to reboot. Grrrrrrrrrr. My computer needs a check up with my friendly computer guy. I will make an appointment tomorrow.
I am going to stop here and heat up some Chinese Food and get comfy with my book. It's a pretty dull night for TV. I am anxious for the new fall season to start. Until then I guess I will do alot of reading. I am outta here.
Ciao for now.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Friday, September 09, 2005
Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else. I've felt that many times. My hope for all of us is that "the miles we go before we sleep" will be filled with all the feelings that come from deep caring- delight, sadness, joy, wisdom- and that in all the endings of our life, we will be able to see the new beginnings.
- Fred Rogers
Thursday, September 08, 2005
I was just saying I had almost made it through the first week back to work. Pretty uneventful. I managed to keep busy all week. Busy is always good. For when we aren't busy the boss tends to want to ship us out of our department to do manual labor. For which I was NOT hired for. I do computer work. I came looking for this job after having suffered a major back injury while doing factory work for 15 yrs. I was hired to sit behind a computer and use my typing skills and my brain. Not work out in the warehouse packing and stacking boxes that weigh between 20-50 or more pounds. The company knew of my injury before they hired me over 10 years ago. Yet everytime things slow down they want to ship me to another area. Well, I fear re-injury. It's a very real thing for me. I need my job. I try to accommidate as much as possible but I have to think of my future. My back is not in good shape. I still have flare ups several times a year. That is bad enough to deal with. I don't want anything worse happening. So when things get slow I pray they can come up with data entry work or phone work. I know I should just be thankful I have a job. I just hope I can continue to be thankful it is a job I can do.
I am thankful for so much right now. I feel for the hurricane victims. I wish there was something I could do. They are in my prayers. I truly am blessed with so much. A roof over my head, a bed to lay my head on. Food to eat. A job that pays fairly well. Decent health. A loving family and friends. Yes, I am very Thankful.
It does not feel much like fall lately. It has been very hot and humid. I am still running my air. I look forward to shutting it off and being able to have the windows open all the time. I love the cool crisp mornings of fall with heavy dew. Already the days seem shorter. Getting dark sooner. I wish I could take a long weekend road trip. I guess I will have to do that in my mind. I am saving for the trip to Florida in December.
I guess I will stop here and try one more time to upload this. Then get ready for bed and curl up with my book and the cats.
Ciao for now ....
People travel to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars; and they pass by themselves without wondering.
- St. Augustine
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
To believe is to know that every day
is a new beginning.
It is to trust that miracles happen,
and dreams really do come true.
To believe is to see angels dancing among the clouds,
To know the wonder of a stardust sky
and the wisdom of the man in the moon.
To believe is to know the value of a nurturing heart,
The innocence of a child’s eyes
and the beauty of an aging hand,
for it is through their teachings we learn to love.
To believe is to find the strength
and courage that lies within us.
When it is time to pick up the pieces and begin again.
To believe is to know we are not alone,
That life is a gift and this is our time to cherish it.
To believe is to know that wonderful surprises
are just waiting to happen,
And all our hopes and dreams are within reach.
If only we believe.
Monday, September 05, 2005
The long weekend is just about over. Along with my scheduled time off from work. I go back to the workplace early tomorrow morning. Early means rising at 430 a.m. to be on the job at 6 a.m. Part of me is dreading it and another part knows it's time to get back into a routine. I have been off since mid July. So I have had several weeks of no structure. Sleeping, eating, doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I had plans to accomplish so much. I did get some things done. But not near enough. My next scheduled time off is in January. By mid October or November I will be counting down the days until my next leave. I am hoping and praying that there will be enough work in my department that I can be kept busy until January. Otherwise the next few months could be very long and very boring. I don't mind working or being at work when there is work to be done. But if I have to be shuttled all around to different departments or even sit day after day waiting for work to appear. I hate that. So I will pray for continious work flow until the end of December. When I plan to take a weeks vacation right after Christmas.
I had a pretty good weekend. I spent some time Friday night watching movies with friends and eating pizza. Saturday night I went with my sister and niece to the new Robert Redford movie. Yesterday I went to the Riverboat with my Sister and BI to do some gambling. Much to my dismay I didn't win anything. I was up at one point $50. But I ended up putting $30 of that back in. I came home with $20. I took $40. It really could have been alot worse. I had my ATM card with me to get more money but could not find an ATM. The good lord was taking care of me. Knowing I did not need to spend another penny. Tonight I am home with my son watching movies. We are on our 3rd movie. So far they have all sucked. We watched "Sin City", " Constantine " and now " XXX - State of the Union ". I am not paying much attention to this last one. Although it might be the best of the 3.
The first week in September tells me fall is here. My favorite time of year. I love the cool evenings and early mornings. Football season has started. Not that I pay much attention to that anymore. Some of the leaves on the trees are already starting to change here. It seems way to early for that. I love spending more time outside right now. Taking a book and pulling out my comfy chair and just forget about everything for awhile and get lost in the book. The sights, the sounds, the smells, I love to just take it all in.
I plan to start pushing myself to stick to my budget harder now that I am returning to work. I have been doing pretty good. But one slip up can wipe away all the good work. I have cut back on some things I don't really need - saving some money. NOW .. I just need to keep myself from shopping for things I don't need. I want that vacation at the end of December really bad. So I have to stay in check.
I am looking forward to TV's New Fall Season. I don't think I am a TV addict. But I like it when the new shows start. I can stay home and stay out of trbuble if I can find something on TV to watch. Not that I go out much but every little bit helps when you are trying to save money. Yeah, my life is pretty boring and uneventful at times. But that is fine. It's my life and I am fine with it.
I guess I will go curl up with my book. Hopefully I can fall asleep at a reasonable hour so I won't be dead tired when the alarm rings at 430 a.m. Hopefully I can stay awake at work tomorrow. I am used to cat naps in the afternoon. Stay tuned.
Ciao for now ...
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Synopsis: Set against the rugged ranchlands of Wyoming, AN UNFINISHED LIFE is the story of a modern-day Western family, as stoic as they are divided, learning the true meaning of forgiveness. Robert Redford stars as Einar Gilkyson, a tough- skinned, retired rancher who long ago turned his back on memories. Still in shock from his only son's death a decade ago, Einar has let his ranch fall into ruin along with his marriage. Now, Einar spends his days caring only for his hired hand, and last trusted friend, Mitch (Morgan Freeman), who was gravely injured in an encounter with a grizzly bear. Einar intends to live out his days in this heartbroken solitude . . . until the very person he blames for his son's accident comes to town: his daughter-in- law Jean (Jennifer Lopez). Jean shows up broke, on the run and with a girl named Griff (newcomer Becca Gardner), who she swears is the granddaughter Einar never knew he had. Suddenly, Einar's quiet life is turned upside down as anger and accusations resurface. But slowly, miraculously, 11 year-old Griff’s curiosity about Western life, and her longing for family and a father figure, begin to chip away at the stone that has become Einar's heart - opening up the way for unexpected connection, adventure, mercy and true reunion.
*** Robert Redford and Morgan Freeman are very good in this movie. There is alot of raw emotion in this film. I highly recommend it. It's a very good story. ***
Ciao for now ...
Thursday, September 01, 2005
"One of the tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today."
- Dale Carnegie