Tuesday - February 28, 2006

I am back after a short break. Not intentional the break I mean. I have just been busy. I went back to work on Monday Feb. 27th. So I have only been back two days. First day back my boss notified me of my raise. I got a lot more than I expected. A big surprise considering I didn't even think I would still be working at this point. And then today he told us that we will be getting a $300 bonus because the company did well last year. First time I have ever received a bonus in the 11+ years I have worked there. It makes me wonder. Last spring they were telling us our jobs would be eliminated by the end of 2005. Believe me I am just fine still being employed. I like my job. And it will be hard to go somewhere and start over after 11+ years and make the comparable wage. So please God if you are listening. I am liking these surprises.And the best one would be if we were told our jobs are secure. I would give up the raise and the bonus for security.

We have had crazy weather lately. It's hard to tell if it's spring or winter. The last 4 days have been amazingly warm 50 degrees. No sunshine today. But all weekend and up until yesterday we had bright sunshine too. It has been great. It makes me long for Florida even more. Iowa winters usually suck. And the month of December was making it look like it was going to be a bad Iowa winter but January showed something different. And February was even better. Let's hope March is even better.

I am feeling restless lately. I want to do something with my life. I have the bookstore still in my mind. But I think I also want to get some training in some area. Probably medical. Like Medical transcription or Medical Billing or Coding. With that training I could get a job most anywhere. I am thinking I would really like to move. Not sure where. But I want some new scenery. Ideally Florida would be the first choice. Right now I am working on paying off some bills and getting more financially secure. Then the thought of moving feels better. So I would just have the basics to take care of. I think I could live pretty simply. I would like to try.

I have been doing a lot of reading in the last few months. I just finished "The 5th Horseman" by James Patterson. It was good but not as good as his last two. Now I am reading some good old fashion smut. " Lovers and Players" by Jackie Collins. Up until about two years ago I had read all of her books. Then I took a break for awhile. So this is kind of new after reading a steady stream of murder mysteries. Aw .. variety the spice of life. It Keeps things interesting. Maybe I will start listing what I am reading when I post. I am keeping track of all the books I read this year. I am doing much better this year so far. I read 14 books in the month of January. That is a lot for me. I go in spurts. I so love to read to relax.

I need to update my reading list of blogs here. I read a lot of different ones and enjoy them. I like bloggers that are pretty regular at posting. Even though I am so not one of those. I try and try but sometimes it's just out of my hands. I am sure everyone is like that at some point. Two of my favorites are http://www.willa.com and http://www.mugajava.com two very different ladies. Two great blogs. I need to get them added to my list. I have been reading them for a long time. I am very sad when Dee @ mugajava.com does not post for awhile. She has her own bookstore. And I love hearing about it. And she cooks some great stuff and shares the recipes with her readers. Willa is an avid reader and lists her reads and she also knits and is a cat lover like myself. If you are reading this check them out. You won't be disappointed.

I am going to stop here and go and watch Oprah. I will be back soon.

Ciao
~Diva


- Reading: Lovers and Players by Jackie Collins
- Last book read: The 5th Horseman by James Patterson

I am a BIG Kenny Fan

Thursday - February 23, 2006

... Go Inside Yourself ...

Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day...

~ Rainer Maria Rilke

"Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Continue to learn. Appreciate your friends. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is."

- Mary Anne Roadacher-Hershey

~ The Beach ~

The Beach

My mind is on a sandy beach,
my body stuck in hell.
A salty scent burnt in my nose,
a secret I won't tell.
I'd be much happier elsewhere,
In a warmer place.
Take a look in my eyes,
You'll read it on my face.
I wish I were back there,
this location never home to me.
I close my eyes repeatedly,
the beach is all I see.
I feel it sifting through my hands,
and squishing through my toes.
No matter where my body is,
this is where my mind goes.

Bridget Bush

Sunday

I know it has been awhile since I have posted a personal message. And not always from lack of trying. The system sometimes does not work with me here and it prevents me from posting. I am hoping tonight I won't have that problem.

Here we are in the month of February. Where did the last two months go? I barely remember the New Year starting. And I am not sure how I feel the year is starting out. I think I feel numb. I am still working. I wasn't sure that was going to be the case. My job was due to end at the end of 05' but that has been extended. Hopefully until October 06'. So that is some what of a relief. Right now I am off on my part of my 3 month leave. ( I only work 9 months out of the year. 1 month off in the winter and 2 months off in the summer.) I go back to work February 27th. And I have no idea what I am going back too. I pray there will be work for us all. Spring is usually a busy time for us. And our department has been cut down to more than half it's usual size. So I hope we can all be kept busy.

My health seems to finally be in a holding pattern. I am doing well with the medicine. The weight loss stopped. That does not make me happy. I have battled a weight problem all my life so I would be very happy to lose more weight. Right now I am just concentrating on eating healthy and being able to eat and not having any problems after. I am doing much better. Now I need to get more exercise. I have been walking twice a day ( morning / afternoons ). But I think I need more exercise. I need to make the scale MOVE.

I was really hoping to have gone to Florida during this month. But that isn't going to be possible. My money situation will not allow it. So hopefully June or July for sure. Of course I can't go alone. I have to have my beach mate and sister. She is getting married this summer so we have to go and have BIG OLD TIME. We had a great time last time. Not sure we can top it. But I know it will be great just the same. That is a trip I will never forget. I miss my beach mate Ginger. It sucks living this far apart.

My life is getting back to normal as far as socializing again. Saturday I went out with friends to the movies. We saw "Final Destination # 3". It is not normally the type of movie I go for but I give in once and awhile and see something out of the ordinary. I wanted to see "Firewall" the new Harrison Ford movie. So maybe this next weekend we can see it.

I have been reading a lot the last few months. During January I read 12 books. I seem to be stuck on murder mysteries. Every once in awhile I throw in a romance or two. I am currently reading "Predator" by Patricia Cornwell. It has been kind of slow. But I am determined to finish it. I have the new James Patterson book waiting for me at the library. "The 5th Horseman". I hope it's as good as the last one "Mary Mary".

Ok I think I have caught up a little here. So I will stop. And I won't promise to come right back tomorrow. But I will try to come back soon.

Ciao for now ....


Diva in Iowa

Big Strong Girl ...

its not now or never
its not black
and its not white
anything worth anything
takes
more than a few days
and a long long night.

dont push so hard against the world
you cant do it all alone
and if you could
would you really want to ?
even though you're a big strong girl
come on, come on,
lay it down ~ the best made plans
come on, come on,
lay it down ~ are your open hands...

rest your head
you've got two pillows to choose from
and a queen-sized bed
hold out for the moon
dont expect connection anytime soon
feel the light
caress your fingertips
you have just begun
the word has only left your lips
maybe in time
you will find
your arms are wrapped around the sun.

dont push so hard against the world
you cant do it all alone
and if you could
would you really want to ?
even though you're a big strong girl
come on, come on,
lay it down ~ the best made plans
come on, come on,
lay it down ~ are your open hands...

Big Strong Girl ~ Deb Talan

If I accept the sunshine
and warmth,
then I must also accept
the thunder and lightning.

-Kahlil Gibran

A New Year ......

It has been way to long since my last post. I never meant to be away this long. With the Holidays and dealing with being sick time just seemed to fly by. I think I finally have things back on track. I am feeling better. Slowly getting back my energy. Trying to get back to somewhat of a normal life. I guess this is normal. Or it's my new normal. Things have changed alot. My eating, my sleeping, my life in general. The dr. said it's a life style change you have to make to be able to cope with your illness. Now that I have accepted it I am finding it much easier to make the necessary changes. I am eating so much more healthy. Feeling better and more energetic. Taking my medicine religiously. And getting more and better sleep. It has all made a big difference.

So here we are at the start of a New Year. I have made no resolutions this year. I know what I need to change. I didn't write it all down. It's inscribed in my brain. I have very good intentions to improve my life even more in 2006. I deserve to be happy and I deserve to be healthy. But it's up to me what I accomplish in 2006. The last year has been a big wake up call for me. For alot of reasons. I am not going to review the year in detail. Let's just say I have had a health scare, and I have had several major losses and I have changed alot. I hope it's for the better. I think I am well on my way.

I hope to get back on track here. Posting on a regular basis again. It's a good release for me. So with that said I will stop here and plan to come back again tomorrow.

Ciao for now
~ Diva

Live Simply Good

On this journey here is some words of wisdom to take with you.

Take nothing for granted: watch water flow, the corn grow, the leaves blow, your neighbors mow.

Set your own pace. When someone is pushing you, it is okay to tell them they’re pushing.

Remember a happy, peaceful time in your past. Rest there.Each moment has a richness that takes a lifetime to savor.

Taste your food. God gave it to delight as well as to nourish.

Notice the sun and the moon as they rise and set.They are remarkable for their steady pattern of movement, not their speed.

Talk and play with children. It will bring out the unhurried little person inside you.

When you walk with someone, don’t think about what you’ll say next. Thoughts will spring up naturally if you let them.

Quit planning how you are going to use what you know, learn or possess. God’s gifts just are; be grateful and their purpose will be clear.

Allow yourself time to be lazy and unproductive.Rest isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity.

Listen to the wind blow. It carries a message of yesterday and tomorrow, and now. Now counts.

Create a place in your home, at your work, in your heart, where you can go for quiet and recollection. You deserve it.

Rest on your laurels. They bring comfort whatever their size, age or condition.

Talk slower. Talk less. Don’t talk. Communication isn’t measured by words.

Take time to think. Action is good and necessary, but it’s fruitful only if we muse, ponder and mull.

Listen to the song of a bird . . . the complete song. Music and nature are gifts, but only if you are willing to receive them.

Give yourself permission to be late sometimes. Life is for living, not scheduling.

Listen to the words you speak, especially in prayer.

Watch and listen to the night sky. It speaks.

Make time for play . . . the things you like to do.Whatever your age, your inner child needs re-creation.

Slow down; God is still in heaven. You are not responsible for doing it all yourself right now.

When you find yourself rushing and anxious, stop! Ask yourself why you are rushing and anxious. The reasons may improve your self-understanding.

Divide big jobs into little jobs. If God took six days to create the universe, can you do any better?

Learn to stand back and let other take their turn as leaders. There will always be new opportunities for you to step out in front again.

Sit in the dark. It will teach you to see and hear, taste and smell.

Pet a furry friend. You will give and get the gift of now.

Take a day off alone; make a retreat. You can learn from monks and hermits without becoming one.

Direct your life with purposeful choices, not with speed and efficiency.

The best musician is one who plays with expression and meaning, not the one who finishes first.

Take time to read . . . the Bible, poetry, great books. Thoughtful reading is enriching reading.

Take time to wonder. Without wonder, life is merely existence.

Work with your hands. It frees the mind.

Once in awhile, turn down the lights, the throttle, the invitations. Less really can be more.
Let go. Nothing is usually the hardest thing to do. . . but often it is the best.

Take a walk. . . but don’t go anywhere. If you walk just to get somewhere, you sacrifice the walking.

When things are in chaos and you are in a frenzy, ask yourself: What is right about now? Chances are, you already know what is wrong.

Just remember to take time, enjoy and make Life Simply Good!

Recipes For Self - Love

Recipes For Self-Love

Take full responsibility for your life. Stop blaming others.
See yourself as the cause of what happens to you.

Do things you like to do. Don't stay in a job you don't like.
Participate in life at the highest level you can.

Stop terrorising yourself with your thoughts.
Be gentle and kind and patient with yourself.

Give yourself the simple pleasures of life abundantly.
Wear clothes you feel good in, get a massage etc.

Watch what you say. Avoid self put-downs.
Stop being critical of yourself and others.

Take care of your body. Give it exercise and good food.

Be willing to create a life-style that generates and nourishes self-esteem.
Associate with others with high esteem.

Acknowledge yourself frequently.
Keep a diary of your successes and accomplishments.

Avoid comparing yourself with others.
Remember that it's who we are, not what we do, that's important.

Give yourself permission to do nothing periodically.
Schedule time by yourself.

Frequently take deep breaths.
Discover the benefit and pleasure of breathing fully.

Eat first class frequently. Don't look at the right side of the menu.

Stop trying to change others. Focus your attention
on being the way you want others to be.

Look into a mirror regularly and say "I love you,
I really love you".

Stop feeling guilty and saying "I'm sorry".
See mistakes as valuable lessons and avoid judging yourself.

Consciously generate positive thoughts and feelings of self-love
in place of old thoughts of inadequacy.

Be willing to laugh at yourself and at life.
Stop taking yourself so seriously.

Accept compliments from others without embarrassment.
Don't invalidate their positive thoughts and feelings about you.

Be kind to your mind.
Don't hate yourself for having negative thoughts.
Gently change your thoughts.

Keep your awareness and your thoughts focussed in present time
instead of living in the past or future.

Acknowledge others frequently.
Tell them what you like and appreciate in them.

Invest money in yourself.
Go to seminars, workshops and courses that develop your talents.

Make a list of 10 things you love doing and do them frequently.

Treat yourself as you would treat someone you
really loved. Praise yourself.


Author Unknown

Our Thoughts ... Our Words

If we understood the power of our thoughts,

we would guard them more closely.

If we understood the awesome power of our words,

we would prefer silence to almost anything negative.

In our thoughts and words we create

our own weaknesses and our own strengths.

Our limitations and joys begin in our hearts.

We can always replace negative with positive.

Betty Eadie

from

'Embraced by the Light'

Sunday - Update

I know it has been awhile since I have been here. I have been dealing with alot of things lately. Health wise, personal wise, and just life in general. I haven't felt like laying my feelings out on here or even pretending to find meaning with my everyday life. I am tried of living this way. I have slipped into depression. I am trying hard to climb out of it. It's just not that easy. I have not felt good health wise for over 8 weeks. Going from dr. to dr. trying to figure out what is going on. I am having trouble digesting any food. So I have lost a significant amount of weight. Which leaves me weak with no energy. The drs. seem concerned but so far aren't pushing to have the test done sooner. I am tired of fighting to get anything done. I am just very tired period. Last week I had a colonoscopy. No polyps were found so that was good. But the dr. did find that the lining of my colon is extremely thin. So he took several biopsies. I have another tests on Nov. 28th. An upper GI with a scope to check the upper part of my stomach. And then I go back to the dr. Dec. 1st for the results on everything. I have no pleasure in eating anymore. I have to force myself to eat. If I was not diabetic I would not be eating at all. The pain and bathroom trips are just not worth it. Sometimes I wonder if the drs. aren't that concerned because I was overweight to start. That has quickly changed. Down now 39 lbs. and still losing. I am having to drink protien supplements 3 times daily now. So the weight loss might stop. I pray every night for strength to get through each day. I am going to work every day with the exception of the 2 hospital test days. I have frequent bathroom trips each day but I am dealing with it so I can work. And then when I come home I collapse - exhausted.

I have to ask my friends and family to bear with me through this. Hopefully the cause will be figured out real soon and I can have a normal life again. I am scared of the unknown at this point but I want to know what is wrong. I want to feel good again and have energy and feel like doing something besides sleeping. I want my LIFE BACK.

More when I feel up to it.

~ Diva

Yesterday, Tomorrow, Today

The journey's our goal, our path is the point ...

There are two days in every week we should never worry about,

two days that should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares,

its aches and pains, its faults and blunders.

Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.

All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday.

We cannot undo a single act we performed,

nor erase a single word we've said.

Yesterday is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow,

with its impossible adversaries,its burden,

its hopeful promise and unknown performance.

Tomorrow is beyond our control.

Tomorrow's sun will rise either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds

...but it will rise ... and until it does.

We have no stake in tomorrow, for it is as yet unborn.

This leaves only one day: TODAY!

Anyone can fight the battles of just one day.

It is only when we add the burdens of yesterday and tomorrow that we break down.

It is not the experience of today that drives people mad.

It is the remorse of bitterness for something that happened

yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.

Make TODAY the best day it can be,and live one day at a time!

~ Author Unknown ~

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween .........

I truly feel this way lately.

Ripples ...

Drop a pebble in the water: just a splash, and it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Spreading, spreading from the center, flowing on out to the sea.
And there is no way of telling where the end is going to be.

Drop a pebble in the water: in a minute you forget,
But there's little waves a-flowing, and there's ripples circling yet,
And those little waves a-flowing to a great big wave have grown;
You've disturbed a mighty river just by dropping in a stone.

Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on.
They keep spreading, spreading, spreading from the center as they go,
And there is no way to stop them, once you've started them to flow.

Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute you forget;
But there's little waves a-flowing, and there's ripples circling yet,
And perhaps in some sad heart a mighty wave of tears you've stirred,
And disturbed a life was happy ere you dropped that unkind word.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: just a flash and it is gone;
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,
Bearing hope and joy and comfort on each splashing, dashing wave
Till you wouldn't believe the volume of the one kind word you gave.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: in a minute you forget;
But there's gladness still a-swelling, and there's joy circling yet,
And you've rolled a wave of comfort whose sweet music can be heard
Over miles and miles of water just by dropping one kind word.


~ By James W. Foley (1874-1939) Poet-laureate of North Dakota 1930-1939

... What Life is About ...

Life isn't about keeping score.

It's not about how many friends you have or how accepted you are. It isn't about who your family is or how much money they have Or what kind of car you drive. or where you went to school.It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are,or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on, or what kind of music you listen to. It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, or brown, or if your skin is too light or too dark.

Life just isn't those things.....
Life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about who you make happy or unhappy purposely. It's about keeping or betraying trust. It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or as a weapon.
It's about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening. It's about starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip. It's about what judgments you pass and why. And who your judgments are spread to.
It's about who you've ignored with full control and intention. It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge. It's about carrying inner hate and love, letting it grow and spreading it.
But most of all, it's about using your life to touch or poison other people's hearts in such a way thatcould have never occurred alone.

You, and only you,choose the way those hearts are affected

...AND THOSE CHOICES ARE WHAT LIFE'S ABOUT.

~Author Unknown -

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... Halloween is Coming ...